Silence is Betrayal

“A time comes when silence is betrayal.” 

Over many years, I’ve been slowly educated in the state of racism in this country. I’ve talked to my black friends about their experiences. I've read up on the history of racism. I've discovered the insidiousness of systemic and institutional racism. I did this all as an outsider. As someone who is privileged to not have personal experience to draw from.

I’ve always told myself that I care about this issue. I said it was crazy that racism is still so ingrained in our culture. I recognize that having grown up in this culture, I myself am part of and have benefited from a systemically racist system. I’ve told myself I’ve done my best to be aware of and counter any biases that may come up in my own mind. I’ve done my best to listen to those who are marginalized or otherwise affected by this system. I’ve never taken action.

I’ve told myself that this is because I have a hard time taking action in general. I have a hard time speaking up against those who wrong me, let alone a deeply-rooted belief system such as racism. When faced with the enormity of the problem, I get overwhelmed. I feel powerless. I go numb. Even when I want to do something there’s something in me that says that there’s nothing I can do, so let someone else take action. Let someone else fight. I can support from the sidelines. I can support in silence. It will work itself out.

Every once in a while something horrific will happen that almost snaps me out of my complacency. I feel ashamed that I don’t feel as angry as i should. I feel ashamed that I am not out there fighting against racism along with those who are more courageous. I feel like if I speak out, I’ll get something wrong. That I’ll make things worse. And I’m scared and shamed back into complacency by my own mind.

I believe I was doing the best I could at the time, but I can no longer allow myself to stay stagnant in that mindset. All that discomfort, shame, and fear I feel when I’m confronted by the occasional anti-racism social media storm is nothing compared to what victims of racism face every day. What my friends face. Every. Single. Day.  I don’t know how I’m going to support the anti-racism movement, but it sure as hell won’t be silent from the sidelines!

I know that I will fumble and fail in my efforts and actions. I know that I have a lot to learn. I will do my best. That won’t be enough at first, but I’ll get better. In time I will learn to become a more effective ally. To speak against racism in a loud voice. To use the privilege that has shielded me as a platform to support the oppressed and fight their oppressors.