My (dis)Comfort Zone: Why I Choose Discomfort

The other day, I took another step toward my goal of living outside of my comfort zone. As I was signing up for about a month’s worth of lessons, the head of the dance studio asked why I decided to come in. I explained that it was because the thought of dancing terrifies me and that I’ve decided to make 2018 the year I train myself to be comfortable being uncomfortable. She asked what brought me to that decision. Her question surprised me for some reason. It’s been something I know I need to do, but I’ve never explained it out loud before and I couldn’t find the words. I just said it was a long story and left it at that.

I’ve done a lot in pursuit of discomfort this year. I’ve been working with a psychologist to dig up a bunch of uncomfortable things I buried as a kid. I’ve been pushing myself in rock climbing. I’ve joined Toastmasters. I began writing about my journey online (obviously). And now, I’m learning to dance.

Why? It’s a long story, but here are some highlights.

Shedding Limiting Beliefs

You can’t do that. That’s impossible. They’ll laugh at you. They’ll judge and reject you. These thoughts have been an incredibly common part of my life since I was a pre-teen. Beyond the thoughts are the feelings that go with them. Degrees of discomfort ranging from uneasiness to immobilizing fear. Over time, I’ve come to believe these thoughts and have learned to take the feelings as confirmation that these thoughts are true. I have learned to associate a sense of danger and negativity to trying new things. That has prevented me from attempting a lot of things. From living the life that I want. From doing the things that I dream of doing.

Moving Through Fear

The biggest thing I’ve learned since I started rock climbing two years ago is how to continue to breathe and climb on in the midst of fear. I have a very strong mental and physical response to climbing anything that is even slightly overhanging. My heart beats like my life depends on it. My mind races with a cacophony of thoughts predicting my imminent doom. I sweat. My muscles stiffen as my whole body trembles. I freeze.

My plan was to keep climbing to become strong and fearless. Yet, here I am two years later and I am still as petrified as I was my first day. I never got over my fear. Instead, I learned something more valuable. To not resist the fear. To acknowledge it. To thank it for it’s warning and decide to continue to move anyway. I have not become fearless. I have become courageous.

Growth Begins Where Comfort Ends

I’ve always liked this phrase, but this year it’s becoming a way of life for me. Growth is always uncomfortable. Comfort comes from familiarity. So, it’s impossible to learn or grow while comfortable. Learning something new is by definition not familiar. Since I began learning to embrace discomfort, I have grown further than and in ways that I could never have imagined even a year ago.

I am becoming comfortable with discomfort and fear. That has allowed me to make decisions I never would have before and do things I didn’t think I was capable of doing. When comfort is no longer my goal, I am free to do what I want. Not just what is convenient.

What I’m Truly Capable Of

“Put your foot on that chip and stand up on it,” she yelled up to me. I looked down to my left at a green foothold that looked as thick and supportive as a green paint stain. She’s crazy, I thought. There’s no way I can do that. I’m not flexible enough. I’m too heavy. Even if I get my foot on that, I’m not strong enough to lift myself with one leg. “You’re on a rope. I’ve got you. Just give it a try!” I hesitantly moved my foot to the spot. With toes bent and my heel up as I had learned earlier, I shifted my weight to my left foot and lifted myself up with my left leg and grabbed the next hold with my left hand. I did it! I was wrong!

That was the moment I learned what lies on the other side of discomfort and uncertainty. That was the moment that I learned that I have no idea of what I’m capable of.

Self-Reliance

An unintentional lesson from my childhood was to let others take the reins when things get uncomfortable. I learned to follow the path of least resistance. To be passive. To rely on others for everything. From belief systems to food preferences to career choices. To let the proactive people make the decisions and then to adapt. As a result. I am generally uncomfortable taking an active role in my own life.

I am uncomfortable making decisions. I am uncomfortable having power and responsibility for my life. I am uncomfortable doing things by myself. I am uncomfortable meeting my own needs. I am uncomfortable being myself if that‘s not who I think other people would like me to be.

But now, I’m becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable and that is changing everything.