The S Word
As I got better at my job as a robot technician on an automotive production line, I learned to listen for the S word. It became my most trust-worthy red flag. Especially when it was emphasized in a sentence. It nearly always meant trouble. I would show up to assist another technician with getting things running again. I would ask what the situation is and they might say something like “It should be picking up that piece and moving it over here.” Many technicians would focus on what the programming should be doing and not on what it is doing. I would point this out and have everyone pause, take a look at their assumptions, and reevaluate the situation. More often than not, we would find that focusing on the should blinded us to something critical to resolving the problem. Once we were aware of this new information, things got easier to work out.
This constant watchfulness has affected the way I live my life outside of work as well. I now use it as a sign that I need to apply more mindfulness and acceptance to any given situation. When I hear myself say or think the S word, I stop. What assumptions am I making? How is what I think should be different than reality? How can I apply mindfulness and acceptance right now? After I step back and take a more mindful and accepting look at things, I typically find myself in one of three closely-related situations:
Disappointment
When I’m disappointed in something, it is because there is a difference in what I think should be and what is. He should not react that way. She should be on time. I should have made one decision instead of another. He should have taken action and didn’t. It should not have rained on my parade.
Judgment
I should be thinner. I should not be so shy. I should have more willpower. This line of thinking compares myself and others to who I believe they should be instead of who they are. That’s an impossible standard and no one, especially myself, can to live up to it. I end up living in constant judgment myself and others. And since I find it impossible to be compassionate and judgmental at the same time, my relationships suffer.
Denial
Denial can keep me stuck in unhealthy situations. If only this person/situation would be what they/it should be, things would be different. I find myself focusing on what should be. Sometimes this keeps me passive as I just wish things were different and hope that they will change. However, even If I take action, things tend to not go well. Since I can’t accept what is and where I am, any direction I move ends up being based on a false starting position and I never end up where I want to be.
Being mindful and watching for the S word has had a great impact on my life and I believe can do the same for you. I invite you to try it and let me know how it works for you.