My (dis)Comfort Zone: Toastmasters
Becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable through public speaking
“Toastmasters International is a non-profit educational organization that teaches public speaking and leadership skills through a worldwide network of clubs.”
I’ve been planning on joining Toastmasters for a long time. The same way I plan to travel to Europe: Someday. I had visions of learning to overcome my fear of public speaking and improve my communication skills. I also, however, had an image in my head that the organization was just a homogeneous crowd of arrogant, middle-aged, white, businessmen patting themselves on the back for how eloquently they speak. So, I wasn’t in any hurry to join them.
A friend of mine invited me to join her at her local chapter and I jumped at the chance. If she was a member, I thought, then maybe it’s not what I think it is. She told me that I could come as a guest, sit in the back and just watch and listen. This wasn’t entirely true, but more on that later.
This chapter of Toastmasters had 12 members and 4 guests there that night including myself. It focuses on storytelling and meets in a meeting room at a Denny’s. This group of people was absolutely nothing like I had imagined them to be. Other than the fact that most were women, there was no pattern to the members’ age, ethnicity, level of confidence, or any other distinguishing trait. I genuinely love it when my assumptions are wrong and this thrilled me to no end.
I observed the members supporting each other before, during and after every person’s speech. After every prepared speech, someone provided constructive feedback. It was a very supportive and safe environment.
As they moved through the agenda line by line, we eventually got to the time where they normally invite members that didn’t have a part in the evenings proceedings to come up and give a short impromptu speech from a prompt.
Apparently, all the members had participated in some capacity, so my friend, who was running this part of the meeting, invited the guests up to speak. I was petrified. I can’t remember the last time I had to give a speech and I had never done one without any preparation. After joking with my friend by making sure she knew of my displeasure in being called up to speak when I was promised that I could just sit and watch, I stood up and walked to the front of the room. The theme for the night was “coming of age” and my prompt was to tell a story about a child that had to grow up too soon. I could feel my heart beat faster and the fear enveloping me.
I could have told a number of stories about myself or my siblings and how we, in a number of ways, all had to grow up too soon, but most of those stories are still tough for me to talk about. Especially in front of a group of strangers on an otherwise light-hearted evening.
As I searched through my memories to start forming what I was going to say, I very quickly realized how chaotic and difficult my childhood really was. I felt as if I was digging up random unconnected memories, trying to organize them into something that could pass as a coherent story, all while trying to avoid stepping on certain emotional landmines.
The value that I got out of that speech was immense. Definitely one of the most influential 1–2 minutes I’ve experienced in quite some time. I don’t remember exactly what I said or how I said it. I was stuck in my head for most of the time. There were, however, a couple brief moments when I said something that resonated with someone, I noticed how they reacted to what I said and I felt a connection with them. In those moments of connection, I was present and at ease. Then the bubble of peace would burst. I would forget what I was going to say and get stuck in my head again. I’m hoping that with practice, I can learn to create more connection and ease while I speak.
I came through the experience having learned some interesting things. I learned that I can stand up while being petrified. I learned that public speaking, through those moments of connection, can be much more of a dialog than I thought it could be. And, having felt that connection to the audience, I’ve learned that, even as nervous, uncomfortable, and afraid I was overall, I actually enjoy public speaking.
One surprising connection I made as well was that as I get better at managing my fear of heights through rock climbing, I am much more able to do things that scare me in other areas of my life. The feeling of exposure and danger while giving that speech was surprisingly similar to the feeling of clinging on for dear life to the underside of a wall 20+ feet in the air. If I had not learned to accept my fear, keep breathing, and keep climbing, I would not have been able to stand up and give that speech.
I’m glad I didn’t let my preconception of Toastmasters keep me from going to that meeting and I’m glad that I let myself be uncomfortable, afraid, and exposed that night. Even if I didn’t join the organization that night (I did), that experience would still have had a big effect on my life.